Meet the Droogin

[Lecture Excerpt - Rituals of Historical Note - Professor Farkle Madraven - Spring 1663]

• Cloakhaven University Archives

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ITEM 1: Reproduction of Solicitation Document

“Greetings and Felicitations Fellow Magic Practitioner!

We are sending you this note to introduce to you Droogin! The new labor alternative to expensive magical servants like golems or hard to control tribal creatures. Droogin are a most fantastic solution to the budget minded mage that doesn’t want to do all that tedious mucking about with dull witted necromantic thralls! Droogin are helpful creatures created via a (patent pending) secret mystical ritual we call “The Ritual of Droog'' and can be made to custom fit all your wretched servitor needs!

Droogin are…

Easy to Create!

Inexpensive to Feed!

Humble and Loyal!

Useful and Long Lasting!

 Want to know more? Great! Simply place 50 silver coins in stacks of five atop the noted areas within the special communication circle (printed helpfully on the back of this flier) and set fire to the vellum under the light of the next full moon and your order will be placed! Don’t hesitate to take advantage of this amazing limited time offer as the magic of this document will expire in two lunar cycles.

We look forward to your business, [RECIPIENT]

Sincerely, The Darkwand Consortium & Associates” 

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“Sheets of vellum containing these words were first hand delivered by hooded couriers to a number of middling magic users of low moral character all on the very same day over 400 years ago. This strange event began an enduring mystery within arcane circles and what can charitably be called a general public nuisance ever since then. Who this “Darkwand Consortium & Associates” was has never been discovered but their troublesome workings cropped up several more times down through the centuries, though the topic of our discussion, the “Droogin”, are probably the mischief most closely associated with them. 

 

And what is a Droogin? Well let’s delve further into the documentation. What follows is a somewhat edited (for safety) and editorialized (for clarity) transcript of what the magic users curious or insane enough to answer a suspicious magical solicitation received exactly 72 hours after they performed the communication incantation, A scroll which read…”

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ITEM 2: Transcription of Formulary Ritual 

  “Congratulations on purchasing the Ritual of Droog! The following document is a detailed step-by-step instruction on the creation, upkeep, and maintenance of your very own Droog System Henchmen.

 The Ritual of Droog System is simple* and cost effective**, but there is a small amount of prep work that must be undertaken before you begin. Make sure you secure the following necessary items…

1 - A Vessel - A large cauldron (100 gallons or more) or a brick lined pit that is both sealed and able to be heated. Droogin creation takes a fair amount of space but you will want to limit environmental factors like rain that could alter the ritual's precise reagent measurements. We recommend a well ventilated and secluded indoor space.

2 - Protein Bulk - Being a ritual that creates living things it's important to cut out as many magic draining factors as possible particularly in the whole "basic building blocks of life" area. Luckily this item doesn't require much specificity. One simply needs 20-30 pounds of protein bulk per Droogin created (we recommend using easy to access sources like buying bones and offal from your local butcher and fishmonger, scraps from tanneries and leather workers, rat-catchers, or pay local children to collect animal carcasses)

WARNING: Do Not Under Any Circumstances use living humanoids or reanimated remains. These tend to lead to extremely poor results. 

2 - Liquid Medium - Lastly and most complex of the necessities is the liquid medium that serves as the conduit for all the magical energies that you will be invoking, a mystical broth if you will in which the Droogin are cooked up. Most of the ingredients of our brew are quite common and easy to come by (items available at your local apothecary such as harlot's salt, dried hemlock berries, pickled eye of newt, and adder hearts boiled in lye). Though most of these reagents serve to smooth out the creation process, they are optional for the most part. Some ingredients are completely essential however and they are as follows…

• 20-35 gallons Brackish or Pond Water (preferably w/live minnows or toad spawn in abundance). 

• One cup Boysenberry Wine Vinegar (or any darker fruit-wine based vinegar)

• One vial of acid (per droogin)

• One cup powdered charcoal (per droogin) 

• One cup bread mold (per droogin)

• 
  

3 - The Seed - The ritual's power requires an anchor point to begin the creation process for each Droogin you are making. To make this all important foci you will need the following:

• One toadstone. If set in a piece of jewelry you may want to remove it as the ritual will consume all materials present.*

• The finely ground ashes of a tome or scroll containing at least 500 different words. (warning make sure it's in a language you understand otherwise your Droogin won't be able to communicate with you easily)

• The hair clippings, nail clippings, or ground bones of a creature with the skills you wish for the Droogin to possess (Hair is often the easiest to get simply by keeping and eye out at the local barber however if you aren’t above a little graverobbing or a stealth manicure those are always options)

• A few drops of your own blood. This is to make sure the Droogin are loyal to you and to connect your life and spirit to the ritual, this part cannot be skipped or altered or the whole process will fail.

• Melted beeswax.  Combine all the above ingredients (along with any extras you may desire: see addendum) into a container and add melted beeswax forming into a ball as it cools.  

  If you have followed the steps above then you will have a ritual focus called a "seed". Repeat it as many times as necessary for each  Droogin you wish to create. Remember each seed will only maintain its mystical potency for 6 days so make sure you do this step towards the end of your preparations. 

4 - Putting It All Together - After adding your protein bulk and other necessary additives to the boiling mixture prepare to drop in your seeds one by one and begin the Ritual of Droog

5 - The Ritual of Droog - Finally we have the ritual incantation. This arcane text activates the reagents and begins the creation process to imbue your Droogin with life! Simply read the following after dropping each seed into the prepared mixture

Blood and charcoal, wax and bone

Mold and ashes, hair and stone

Fur and snout and claw and horn

In this cauldron magic born”

[RITUAL FURTHER REDACTED BY CLOAKHAVEN UNIVERSITY CENSORS]

“…and there you have it. Your droogin should be emerging from the ritual mixture at a rate of one per quarter hour or so. It will take only an hour to orientate themselves to their new surroundings before they are ready to serve you. Make sure to preserve the leftover ritual mixture after all are complete as it is a vital part of the Droog rejuvenation process (outlined below) You will of course be slightly weakened by the activation of the ritual but your new droogs should be more than capable to tend to your needs while you recover. 

Troubleshooting - Try a heavy crossbow or some other high impact projectile if your droogin starts to give you trouble. 

  If you have further questions or would like a copy of the “Droog System Exhaustive User’s Guide” please bury 100,000 gold pieces and three jars of dragon’s blood under a dead gallows tree on the 13th day of the month of Whitebreath along with a self-addressed stamped envelope and…”

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Okay What’s this? 

Well basically it’s a monster description, but one that fills a niche that I’ve always found conspicuously empty in the weird worlds of RPGs. You’ve seen these kinds of creatures before, usually living in the shallow child-friendly end of fantasy media. They are generally monstrous in appearance but in a weird non-offensive un-scary way. They often have comically gross habits and “Addams Family” levels of casual morbidity. Usually they’re short denoting their general lowly positions but are given heavy workloads and disproportionate responsibilities which they undertake with varying levels of enthusiasm and competence. Their two most identifiable features are their fawning loyalty to a horrible abusive boss and their general indestructibility. Their miserable lot is to bow and scrape and do their best for their beloved master and occasionally be the target of said master’s enraged fireballs and bullying. 

So I present to you this creature concept “The Droogin”, low cost magically created servants that are exactly as much trouble as they are worth. After all, what good is a servant if you can’t blow them up from time to time?

Let’s talk about the details…

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DROOGIN

Description - Droogin are short creatures with a dizzying variety of animalistic and monstrous traits arranged in such a haphazard way as to defy any kind of uniformity. Most people end up just lumping them under “beastly little men” and leave it at that. They do have some things in common however as they are all roughly humanoid with the normal number of arms and legs (alongside the occasional add-on) and able to communicate in spoken language (if created to do so). They favor hard wearing clothing or scraps of decorative armor as well as hats that denote their job (in case they forget). 

Society - A Droog’s job is his life, literally. As magically created living beings they are born knowing how to do a thing and are generally pretty good at it. They are also willing to half-ass tasks they are not skilled at with gusto. Beyond the duties of their work their “society” centers around keeping the boss happy and jockeying for favor amongst each other to be the Boss’s Favorite. This desire for recognition by their creator is often at odds with their other main interest, slacking off. You see droogin are very effective servants as long as they have dedicated task to undertake but if left to their own devices they will quickly become bored, make messes, drink, gamble, squabble, and pursue any number of dubious hobbies (all of which they are generally unskilled at)

Habitat - Droogin can be found wherever magic users with few scruples are and generally make their homes in the same kind of remote and secretive locations that their creators tend to dwell. That is to say droogin are creatures born in ominous wizard’s lairs and are most at home in them. 

Diet - Droogin can eat almost any organic matter and are highly resistant to poison and disease. They have a preference for vermin like insects and rats as well as a taste for all manner of fungi and molds mostly consumed raw but sometimes added to communal stews. These preferences do not exclude them from being able to eat more common foodstuffs (and in the case of droogin crafted as domestic help, even cook and enjoy it) but they have a special liking for this revolting fare which has the added benefit of on-site pest control for their creators. 

Random Appearance Generator - 

Height: 1d3+2 feet tall 

Body Type: 1d6 (1 - Scrawny: 2 - Gangly: 3 - Pot-Bellied: 4 - Stocky: 5 - Porky: 6 - Burly)

Hide Color: 1d4 (1 Dull Blue-Gray; 2 - Mottled Brown; 3 - Dingy Green; 4 - Rusty Red) 

Hide Texture: 1d6 (1 - Warty; 2 - Scaly; 3-4 - Furry; 5 - Leathery; 6 - Feathery)

Face: 1d6 (1 - Dog-like Snub Nose: 2 - Pig Snout: 3 - Vulture-ish Beak: 4 - Bulbous Nose: 5 - Small Flat Nose: 6 - Reptilian Nostril Holes)

Ears: 1d6 (1 - Goat Ears; 2- Bat-like Ears; 3 - Cat-like Ears; 4 - Large Ape-like Ears; 5 - Long Pointed Ears; 6 - Floppy Hound Ears)

Other Feature: 1d8 rolled twice (1 - Hunchbacked; 2 - Warthog Mane, 3 - Pointy Horns; 4 - Bird-like Legs; 5 - Short Forked Tail; 6 - Curved Horns; 7 - Hoofed Goat-like Legs; 8 - Wagging Dog-like Tail)

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   You may have noticed I have thus far avoided giving you a stat block. This is purposeful. Not knowing what game you're playing but assuming it’s a fantasy RPG that uses D20s the stats are really up to you to pick. I would suggest using goblins as a baseline for these comedic little goons or a larger creature if you want a couple of heavies to round out the cast. The real mechanical difference is in the added abilities below. 

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MECHANICS AND SPECIAL ABILITIES

Hard To Kill - Much like the pestilent insects that Droogin derive sustenance from, Droogin are difficult to put down for good. Poison or diseases only temporarily incapacitate them, usually passing them out of their system within a day of low activity groaning. Anytime a Droogin is brought to 0 hp there’s a 5 in 6 chance it was not a killing blow and they revive with 1d3 hp 1d6x10 minutes later. Dead and dismembered Droogin can even be reassembled and revived via reapplication of the patent-pending Ritual of Droog™ rejuvenation process! 

Pack Mules - Droogin primarily excel as laborers and as such can carry 4 times as much as a normal sized man with no reduction to their speed despite their smaller size. This ability is assumed to be magical in nature since they don't really display outstanding strength in any other capacity under normal circumstances.

Born to [Insert Job Here] - Droogin are created individually to serve a purpose for the ritual caster. Using the skill memory of a person living or dead they become able to proficiently carry out that task be it mining, masonry, cooking, or smithing (or whatever) with professional acumen. 

Loyalty - Droogin are extremely loyal to their creator usually to their own detriment. They interpret their creator’s words and goals charitably, are unfailingly respectful (to their face), and are very difficult to dissuade from following their lord’s commands. They are not unthinking or unfeeling nor are they fearless and can be sometimes dissuaded from doing their master’s bidding if they can be convinced it’s in their master’s best interest. Toward people who aren’t their master they are willful, rude, and conniving and this can even include their master’s other non-droogin colleagues and henchmen.  

Disguise Trick - Droogin can look like a normal sized human of non-descript bearing by standing on one another’s shoulders and wearing long robes, a hat and a false beard or some other accessory. The disguise is utterly convincing to the people who encounter it but this quasi-magical knack only will last about 5 minutes at a stretch and if the people who were fooled by it recall the incident they instantly recognise that they were duped. This ruse only has a 25% chance of working twice in one day.

Keep Away - Droogin are quite good at playing hot potato and if one is carrying an item that they want to pass off to another they do it without a second thought and with split second reflexes. This can often look clumsy or accidental. 

Other Special Abilities: 

Here are some other optional abilities that the ritualist can give their Droogin, assuming each extra ability adds half-again the base cost of the individual droog being created. As always the mechanics are just generalities to help you pinpoint where you want to end up. 

Big Eyed - Able to see at great distances and perfectly in the dark

Small Strong Wings - Able to fly at their normal speed or at half speed while carrying a heavy load

Big Bite - Gains a 1d6 bite attack

Wall Crawl - Able to climb walls and cling to ceilings at normal speed. 

Hardy - 2 extra hit dice

Scurry - Able to move twice as fast

Sensitive Sniffer - Able to track via scent 

Magic Eye - Able to see magical auras and invisible creatures

Sneaky - 4 in 6 chance to move, sneak, and hide without being spotted.

Smartypants - Able to read an write any languages its creator can as well as perform magic rituals and use magic scrolls

Extra Job - Gain another professional skill set (reagent requirements apply as for this job as well)

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DMing Advice and Other Suggestions. 

  Droogin are meant to be fun foils and bumbling henchmen for magic using villains with more ego than actual power. Imperfect little losers that get things done mostly by accident and when the chips are down will probably fail. Their personalities are rather obnoxious and their schemes are absurd, they can’t help leaving destruction and mayhem in their wake due to their zeal for getting the job done for their master. Adventuring parties bested by droogin will almost always lose out in non-combat scenarios however adventuring parties who are bested by droogin really need to re-evaluate their lives. 

 The Master is Defeated - 

  Droogin who find themselves suddenly masterless tend to stay put in their master’s home unless forcibly ejected or slaine. If any of them have the capacity for understanding magic they will work to get the master resurrected in some way (and many a petty villain has been rendered into a real threat by droogin opting to employ necromancy to reanimate their fallen master). If this is not an option the droogin will generally devolve into thieves and nuisance farm raiders to alleviate boredom and maintain their home. 

 

  They also sometimes will “imprint” on the person who slew their master in certain rare occurrences hoping for a better lot in life but if rejected by this new usurper master they will not show any loyalty to them as they would their creator. If the usurper master does embrace his new charges then he will inherit a small mob of loyal henchmen that all have the same general moral character of the former master and will be urging their new master to take up their old master’s projects and aims. This can take a long time to overcome. 

  Rebonding is also an option for characters faced with orphaned droogin. By enacting the Ritual of Droog again on a smaller scale by boiling the former master’s heart in a mixture of the ritualist’s own blood and white vinegar the loyalty is transferred and the moral character of the droogin will shift to match their own. 

PCs Using the Ritual of Droog

  Loyal nigh-unkillable henchmen may be an attractive option to players even for things as simple as hauling treasure out of dungeons and doing grunt work for them. If they express interest in the ritual (or you want to seed interest by letting them find it) then let them use it either to rebond orphaned droogin or create their own. 

  Having droogin will be a mixed bag of benefits and drawbacks for players as droogin can accomplish a lot and will manage the PCs affairs loyally but are unwelcome in most villages and towns because people associate them with evil wizards and chaotic tendencies. 

  The Ritual of Droog should have limiting factors for creating magical creatures since, while the ritual isn’t necessarily evil, you are playing pretty fast and loose with your fundamental lifeforce using it. 

Cost: Cost should be the easiest hurdle to overcome for the ritualist as droogin are fundamentally cheap magic to use. I suggest making the base cost per droog to be 100gp which accounts for collecting and preparing the necessary materials.

Time: The materials may take time to gather before the ritual can be enacted, perhaps 1d6 days per droog’s worth. The Ritual itself takes 24 hours to complete. 

Life Force: Enacting the ritual takes a physical toll on the ritualist and can be dangerous if they overreach. I would represent this by doing ability score or hit point damage to the ritualist in random amounts per droogin created. For example if a ritualist tries to create 5 droogin at once, the ritual could inflict 5d2 constitution damage or 5d4 hp damage. A character that is unlucky and too ambitious could potentially do themselves-in depending on how punishing you want to make the ritual. If you find that too punishing simply make the ritualist fall into a deep sleep for a number of days equal to 2-3 times the number of droogin created needing constant attention and feeding. There are a lot of ways to make life force a significant cost. 

Droogin Limits: You can also limit the number of Droogin the ritual can create and have active based on the Charisma of the ritualist, their number of henchmen per level, or any other mechanical factor you like. 

Classes: I’ve mostly stuck to using the term “ritualist” in this section because the character class of the person using the ritual only matters if you want it to. A warlord with an assistant mage could enact the ritual. A lone peasant that knows how to read can enact the ritual. Anyone you want to let enact the ritual can enact the ritual. 

It’s all wide open and left to your discretion. Rules and mechanics are nothing more than signposts on the path to true fun of RPGs after all.

 Thanks for reading and I hope it leads to some fun times. 

-Terance